Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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