We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
