just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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