Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
