i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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