I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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