You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
