OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
