You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
