Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
