You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
