Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
