Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
