i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
