I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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