I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
