Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have grass duct taped all over my body
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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