do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
