So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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