I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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