I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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