Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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