sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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