Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
