i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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