New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
