My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
