She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
