It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
