I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
