Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
