can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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