Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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