I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
