You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
