For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
