you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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