I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
