that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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