She is in my trunk
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
