I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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