We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
