I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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