Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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