in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm sobbing to NWA
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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