Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
