video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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