That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
