Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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