I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He felt like a one man threesome
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
