She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
