She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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