so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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